Does your name reflect you? In fantasy books, in multiple stories, in the Bible — in all these places, there are claims that that power of your name and the spiritual connection of knowing your name gives you power and others power over you. A couple of years ago, I wrote about how we name others, but this post is about your name — how you are actually called.
I’ve been claiming names since I was 11.That summer, we moved from my paternal grandmother’s house in Illinois to my maternal grandmother’s in Pennsylvania. Immediately the surrogate grandfather (isn’t that how all older adults are named?) who lived down the alley in that small Midwest town (aren’t alleys how all kids get around?) started writing to me from Illinois in beautiful calligraphy “Dear Sally B—.” I’ve pretty much been signing my name that way ever since, always claiming my middle initial on cards and forms.
My mother always wanted a little girl named Sally. I never asked her why. It was just my name. Sally was her mother’s/my grandmother’s name, but in retrospect, that seems almost too obvious a reason. (My mother, on the other hand, always thought she was named for her father’s boat—although I’m pretty sure that wasn’t true because she also shared her name with her aunt.) My middle name is the same as that of my other grandmother, which made my initials SBP. If they’d used her first name, it would have given me the initials SAP and my parents were wise enough to avoid that! When I got married, a zillion (in child years) years later, I kept my middle name rather than use my maiden name as a middle name. And when I was divorced two zillion years later, I kept my married name because 1) it was my children’s last name and 2) it was how I was known professionally.
So, I’ve been playing with names for awhile.
However, for a long time “Sally” has just felt odd. Somehow, when I was called “Sally,” it felt as if people were talking about someone else. It went along with being described as “nice,” which didn’t feel like a compliment. Or sweet. It made me feel little. However I had no clue what I would change it to. Not “Elizabeth” which is what my now ex-husband and I would have named a daughter. Nope. Nothing fit.
People do change their names. The friend who did the beautiful calligraphy “B” on the right and on my personal Facebook page wanted and needed a new identity and is now known as Puck by everyone. The name fits her too. She even managed a legal change. Today I went to brunch with my friend Frankie, who claimed that name as her own — with no relationship to her given name — when she was 12. It’s a name embraced by everyone except her mother. In fact I never even thought about it until I realized, thanks to an Uber driver, that legally she had a different name. Many divorced women (most?) reclaim their maiden name when the divorce becomes final. Other women keep their birth name when they get married because it is theirs. Multiple couples agree on joint last names – sometimes hyphenated, sometimes with no relationship to their original last names. Children insist that they will be called whatever (as Frankie did) and we oblige. My older son went from Peter to Pete while his younger brother is always the “full” Andrew.
Out of curiosity, have you ever thought about this? I feel honored when people know my name and am always surprised when people I have no recollection of ever meeting — or have met casually — call me by name. Although now it’s becoming problematic. Or at least ironical.
I’m not sure where it started, but somewhere I realized my middle initial could be my name. Perhaps it was using emojis when texting a friend and the bee 🐝 became my signature. In any case “B” started pulling me as a possible new name. So when I went to a retreat where only the leader knew me, I tried out “B” on my name tag. And by the end, even the presenter got it right. Fast forward to my bucket list trip to Hawaii where, except in the Apple Store, I was B to everyone. Even my AirBnB hosts instantly claimed B as my name, while I’m sure that wasn’t on the reservation.
I came home and announced to the world, or rather the few Facebook people who actually see my posts, that I wanted to be called “B.” Some just, simply, switched (you know who you are – thank you). Some said they couldn’t (and yes, I still love you). And some struggle with it, and I’m grateful. Most of you don’t even know I made the request to be called “B.” Often, I introduce myself as B and someone comes and calls me Sally. Baby steps. It’s all complicated by my having no intention of doing anything legal about a name change. I’m just being called by a different part of my name.
“B” makes me feel centered, interesting, creative, and a tad glamorous (ok, the last may be a bit of a stretch, but maybe?). Yes, well.
My challenge today for you is to claim your name. No, I’m not suggesting a change. But think about it. Right now, how does your name reflect you? How does this contribute to your owning who you are? However you’re called, it is in that place that you are a powerful force for changing the world.
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Illustrations from the top:
Baby in carriage – almost certainly Sally — found in photo album
B — drawn by Mercurial Puck
Emoji bee — iOS